Pink Tulips Are My Favorite

It's bloody snowing!

2007-04-14T23:24:00.001-07:00

For the love! It is the freakin middle of April and it's snowing! It's not that I hate the snow, oh wait I do hate the snow. I know it will all be melted by tomorrow night and it will all be fine. I just need to vent and my dogs are most definitely not the listening ears I need right now.

There's this feeling I have had right before all the biggest (bad) events in my life have happened. I can't describe the feeling it's just that I have it. Like when I was in jr. high and I broke my finger on a missions trip. About two or three days leading up to that day I had this weird feeling. And when my aunt Lisa died in 2001 I had the feeling for at least a few weeks before hand.

I'm experiencing a weird feeling deep inside me right now. I haven't had the catastrophy feeling in a long time, like since my dad left the family in 2004. That was over 3 years ago. I don't if that is the feeling I'm having or not. I hope not. I just don't feel right and I just feel like something in my life is just not right. I don't know what's wrong. Maybe venting my feelings will help my internal issues and the feeling will go away. I just keep asking myself 'what's wrong?'

Maybe it's the snow.

I'm a Spaz!

2007-01-14T21:34:00.000-08:00

A few days ago I was brilliantly driving down Calvin Crest Road while it was snowing. I have done this many times before with no problem. However that day I wasn't paying attention and I thought to myself 'your going too fast' and as I thought it I began to slide. I very smoothly slid all the way off the road and off the edge. It was one of those slow motion kind of things. I wasn't going fast just too fast for the road at the time.

So I opened my door and sorta fell out down the hill while I was laughing at myself. My response to things like this is 'of course'. I called camp and people came to help me, they even had to use the tractor. Very dramatic.

I try to tell myself that someday I won't get myself into trouble and awkward situations all the time. I hope that my life won't always be this ridiculous. It is fun and entertaining but seriously. I feel like I am always just waiting for the next thing to happen.

Anna the lion tamer

2006-12-28T16:33:00.000-08:00

This week I am filling in at the office for everyone who is on vacation. Yesterday Anna(my 30 pound little dog) followed me to work. Not uncommon but usually she goes home after awhile. Yesterday she decided to sit outside the office and "protect" those of us who were here. Around 4:30 everyone else who was working had left for the day and I was sitting at the front desk working. Anna started barking. I thought come on there's no one here. I looked out the window and she was standing near the parking lot barking towards the craft condo. I looked and I didn't see anyone and then I looked down....As I looked at the creature outside I thought to myself 'man that's a big dog'. Then as it crouched forward I realized it was the biggest cat I had ever seen...oh, wait that is because it was a freakin' MOUNTAIN LION!

My tiny little dog is trying to frighten a mountain lion. Good gosh. We all know Anna normally acts like she is a lot bigger than she is but this was just ridiculous. As the kitty cat walked right in front of the office I was only a few feet away inside and so glad I was inside. But I was terrified for Anna. I hit the window and when the kitty saw me it just leisurely turned around and walked away.

My heart was racing and Anna continued to try and protect us all. I guess something like this would happen to me and my dog. I guess Anna has proven that she will chase anything down. I guess we are all very lucky she is here to protect camp. I feel like I should make her a cape or something.

Men whose names start with J

2006-02-19T22:07:00.000-08:00

I have realized that I really prefer men singers to female. This was not a conscious decision, it just happened naturally. Anyone who spends more than 10 minutes with me knows that John Mayer gets me through my hard days. My favorite singers are John Mayer, Jack Johnson, Jason Mraz, James Blunt, and so on. I am rediculous. But no matter what I love just chillin at my house at night with a whole bunch of candles glowing while I listen to my J men. Ahhhh.

Don't worry I didn't die

2006-02-18T21:01:00.000-08:00

Ok so I know it has been like forever since I posted anything. My life has been crazy and I don't have a computer in my house so I don't get on much.

God has been teaching me a lot lately and fulfilling a lot of needs in my life that I had not anticipated. It's really exciting. God totally answers our questions and desires in ways we could never have anticipated. That's cool.

I am exhausted and I will not make any sense if I continue, so I won't.

Have a good evening everyone.

Attack of the Earth Worms

2005-05-16T18:35:00.000-07:00

So this morning I was walking to work along the aim trail. Last night God sent oceans down on us, there was so much water! So things were damp when I came to work. As I walked along I looked down and realized I was killing millions of earth worms. so maybe not millions, but close. Anyways, there were worms all over the trail. It was sooo weird. I have never seen or never noticed this before. AH! Oh, well.

Mountain folk

2005-05-03T07:55:00.000-07:00

ok, so up here on the mountain we have a commonfire meeting on sunday nights and staff Bible study on monday mornings. Most of the time these meetings are very orderly and smooth. We tak about all sorts of things. Now every once in awhile a visitor joins us o we add someone to the staff. When this occurs everyone who is a regular to these meetings starts to show the real them. We get absolutely ridiculous. We lose our thoughts and begin to giggle. I don't know how else to describe it. We just get totally silly. It's the funniest thing to experience. People are cracking the funniest jokes, playing games, messing up whatever they are trying to say. We are nuts. This has happened now a few times and we don't know how to control ourselves around people. Maybe we have been together on this mountain too long I don't know. I enjoy these meetings though. The one on sunday brought me to tears. Wow.

Summer

2005-04-25T09:46:00.000-07:00

Whoa, so summer is almost here. About 6 weeks till this mountain is trned into a whole different world. I can't wait. Until I think of all things I need to get done before that. I like having a lot to do. I like knowing that I can not do everything. I like knowing that I have to let God do the work.

I am really excited about a new team. I will be sad that this semester of commonfire will be over. I will be sad to see my team leave or go to other teams for the summer. I can't wait o get to know the huge kitchen team during the summer. There is 18 people total. OH MY GOSH! This is going to be great.

Yes I'm still alive

2005-04-25T09:41:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I have been busy. And sick. I have been sick for 2 weeks. Will it ever end?! ok, drama over. I am starting to feel better.

Anyways, life on the mountain in interesting right now. This week our giant walkin refrigerator is being repaired and we are not going to have it working for like 3 days. I spent 3 1/2 hours yesterday moving the contents into 5 small refrigerators all over camp. The real problem now is remembering where everything is. I thought abput writing things down about 3 hours in. Oh, well. I can just imagine someone asking fo more milk and having to say "oh yeah, no problem just give me a minute to run to cedar lodge." This week should be fun. I pray the walkin is fixed by thursday and that we can find everything we need.

Assistant Supervisor

2005-03-18T19:30:00.000-08:00

Whoa dog, I am starting to think that maybe I am on my way to becoming an adult. A few days ago I signed a three year contract with camp to be the new Assistant Supervisor of Food Services. I am so not qualified, but God is. Wow. This is nowhere near where I thought I would be at this point in my life. Oh, well. God knows what He is doing and it is always better than what I had in mind. I am really excited about this position. I feel like because I have comitted this time I can invest everything into the next three years, the next 9 teams I will be apart of. I'm overwhelmed and thrilled. I pray that God will amazing things to me and through me. I want to be used by God in whatever way He chooses. A year ago I was just hired to work on summer staff and I had never really worked in the kitchen before. And now here I am. Praise the Lord.

Wow

2005-03-08T21:49:00.000-08:00

So on tuesday nights a group of us at camp go to the junior high group at the local church that we attend. Tonight as we drove back to camp I had three amazing guys in my car. They (I found out later) had planned to make the car ride up a little fun for me. They basically wanted to torture me. I only laughed my butt off. They were so funny. I couldn't handle it. It was 20 insane minutes of my life that I could probably never really describe how amazing it was. I am worn out. I am exhausted from their company. I want to ride with them every week. I might need to take a nap first.

Oh I love those boys.

Here we go

2005-03-05T19:52:00.000-08:00

So I have been worked up all week about summer staff selections at camp. Who is going to be on my team? the other teams? Who will get hired from commonfire? and so on. Today it happened. The staff was selected. It's done. And then I realize really it's only beginning. AH! I am so excited, and so scared! Ah! Good, whoa, ah. We have a huge team! This is great and wow! I want to get to know my team. We have three months, but we only have three months till sumer! Woo hoo. whoa. I need to get some sleep. I need to settle down. ok.

By the way, lastnight I fell asleep in less than an hour of lying in bed and I didn't have nightmares. Praise the LORD!!!!!!!!! This has not happened in many months. God is good and gives me rest when I'm about to lose it. Cool.

I'm Depressed

2005-03-03T19:35:00.000-08:00

I'm depressed. Sometimes I get in funks and right now I am in one. I just want to cuss but I'm not sure who is reading this so I won't. Right now I am just at a weak spot because I'm a little stressed and dissapointed about some things and so since I'm stressed I don't sleep and when I do sleep I have horrible nightmares. So I then get even weaker and it sucks.

I just keep hoping that I will grow out of this. I would love to have more good days than bad days. More ups than downs. More people who love me than hate me. I am throwing a rather large pitty party right now and I'm sorry. I want to be filled with hope. And God always rescues me. I just think that maybe my life doesn't have to have bad news and hurt feelings everyday. Could I just have one day without a bad phone call or email that reminds me that once again I'm not good enough.

What I see

2005-02-22T23:43:00.000-08:00

Things change over time. I hope I do. For the better. One of the things I realized the other day was how my vision of the community I live in has changed. Let me explain. Here is what I used to see when I walked into the living room at the Ranch House: Couches with slip covers all messed up, dirty dishes everywhere, the coffee table covered in a left over monopoly game, little pieces of wood all around the fireplace, fireplace utensils on the floor, the cd player left on, lights left on, 10 empty capri sun packages, magazines and books stacked with the dirty dishes, basically a mess. I used to be totally frustrated and annoyed. Now, here is what I see: Couches messed up because people hang out with each other for so long you have to change positions and consequently the slip covers get messed up, dirty dishes everywhere because people communed with each other and shared a meal, a left over monopoly game because we are all addicted even though only a few like the game and we now play to totally ridiculous hours and enjoy each tohers fellowship, Fireplace mess because someone cared about the comfort of the people in the room and made a fire for them, fireplace utensils out because they kept the fire going because they spent enough time together to go through the pile of wood, the cd player left on because we play music while we hang out, lights still on because we went to bed so late(and some of us are afraid of the dark), empty capri sun packages all over - not because one person just can't throw their trash away but because one person bought a box and shared with whoever wanted some, magazines and books everywhere because we want to be around each other even if we are doing a somewhat solitary thing and we tend to share what we read and learn with each other. So basically now what I see instead of chaos and disaster is a community that loves each other and will spend time with one another. I love it. And I am so thankful to God that He has changed my vision.

Rachel Graff

2005-02-21T22:20:00.000-08:00

So my friend Rachel Graff is amazing. She will be coming to camp next week and I can't wait. We get to work together all summer. Last summer we worked together and had a blast. She and I had some incredible 5 hour long talks by the lake and on the green. She is a friend who encouraged me in my faith and held me accountable without me asking for accountability. Thats a real friend. Anyways, I'm really excited!

I will never understand...

2005-01-25T21:51:00.000-08:00

I will never understand why guys think it is so cool to light people on fire with lighter fluid. Or really just light someone on fire period. This freaks me out. Why? is my only reaction after I freak out. I just don't understand. I'm ok with not understanding. But I will continue to freak out when someone says "hey check it out I just set Paul on fire." Really now.

Whatever

2005-01-25T21:46:00.000-08:00

So this past summer I had the privelege of working with 16 really cool people. A few of these people enjoyed a song that was referred to as the Whatever song. It's a song where a guy's response to everything is whatever. The first time you hear it it's like what the heck is this? This is ridiculous. Well, then the song grows on you, ok maybe just me, and it becomes rather entertaining. And the song also reminds me of the fun times we had and people telling each other "WHATEVER"!

I Love you kitchen team.

And I was like, whatever.

Safety

2005-01-25T21:11:00.000-08:00

"What joy for all who find protection in Him!"
Psalm 2:12

"Take a moment to come before your Place of Refuge in prayer and picture yourself in His protective shadow. Imagine yourself finding a safe place in the cleft of the Rock....Then enjoy that unburdened feeling in His shade."
Joni Eareckson Tada from A Quiet Place in a Crazy World

Just be here

2005-01-24T21:11:00.000-08:00

Today I was at the dining hall at camp waiting for our new pest control guy to do his job so I could sign a paper. I was off work and I didn't want to be there but it was my job to sign the paper. I waited an hour and a half to sign the paper. I was in a bad mood. I was kinda delirious. I had to get up for work at 4:45am and I was kinda out of it by noon. Anyways, while I was waiting to sign a paper I thought I would go look out on the back deck and take a look at Fresno Dome to see if it was still one giant snow ball like it was last week. Well it's only kinda half covered now. It has been really warm and the sun has been out for like a week.

After this I started looking around the rest of camp near the lake and the green. I saw the beautiful tall trees and I was so overwhelmed just to be able to see them and experience them up close. And then I thought to myself, this is what God created them for. He created them to just stay there. He planted and grew them into what He intended. They have many purposes, practical and pleasurable. Many purposes perhaps we will never know. That's cool. So then my thoughts turned to my life and I asked myself about my obedience to be what God made me to be. Am I so concerned with my past or my future that I forget to just stand where God has placed me and grow into what He has created me to be. Who is that? Who has God created me to be? What has God created me to be?

I think I want to make things harder than they really are. I just need to remain in God's love and follow His plans. Things work better that way. I have peace then and that's what I want.

Thank you Jesus for teaching me new things and bringing me back to you...Everyday. I love you Lord. Goodnight.

Stitches hurt

2005-01-19T13:01:00.000-08:00

So I cut myself at work (for the full story go to the CommonFire blog-www.commonfire.blogspot.com). I have had stitches in my finger for a day and a half. They are starting to hurt now. I guess that makes sense since I cut myself enough to need to be sewn back together. But it still hurts. Oh, well pitty party over.

2 Corinthians 9:12

2005-01-16T14:40:00.000-08:00

So I work as the sous chef in the kitchen at Calvin Crest. I love my job. I love serving people and providing a wonderful experience by supplying their basic need of food consumption. God has blessed me so much to live here and work with amazing people.

We are getting hats for the kitchen staff to wear to look more professional. We got the suggestion to put a verse on the back of it that would be a reminder of why we are here and what we are doing in the kitchen. I searched for a verse that had to do with service or loving others or something and I found a verse that is so perfect for what we do and why.

2 Corinthians 9:12
This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of God's people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God.

I want everything I do to bring glory to God.

Wow! Here I am

2005-01-16T14:34:00.000-08:00

Honestly I never thought I would have my own blog. But here I am. Perhaps this will be a way for me to be me and share that with other people. I live on a mountain with 20 people. I need to get out or at least have some contact with the outside world. I'll try to be interesting or at least entertaining.